Monday, April 20, 2009

On my wedding day

On my wedding day

I had a lovely time at a friend’s wedding where I was the best man this Saturday. I could see two people in love ready to share the rest of their lives together. I saw a man tired of living alone and ready to be fully responsible. I looked at myself and sincerely I know am up to the task. As the best man, we are both dressed the same , looking so glamorous but the difference between us later is the 18 karat gold ring on the finger of my friend which he was really brandishing to everybody who cares to see.

I got home tired that night but my mind kept wondering to the fact that my wedding day will soon be here. How wonderful it will be. Sometimes I do wish I can speed it up. I am one of the few that getting married has never really scared me. I did a 10 year plan for my life and included is the plan is that I should get married on or before 2010. There are various times that I have written different articles about my married life. This keeps the dream glowing in me. A particular one I wrote was inspired by my pastor, titled ‘’a day in my life in 5 years time”. I picked a particular day and wrote vividly how the day would be like starting from describing my house, my wife, my kid(s), my work and every other thing that surrounds me. I know one day I will make most of my write ups public. I do take time to read them over again and sometimes I update the write up because my dreams keep getting better and better.

A particular wish I would have loved is to get married on my birthday i.e December 25th, 2010 but for some reasons like I don’t want to wait that long before getting married and a friend of mine is accusing me of wanting to celebrate many occasions (birthday, Christmas, wedding anniversary) on the same day. Don’t blame me for dreaming that big. I do like good things.I am not here just making noise about my wedding day but I can tell you assuredly that overtime, I have got myself prepared for that next phase of my life. I want to list some of what I did maybe it will help others to get themselves ready for the best union in life.

1. Know who you want – as a guy, I do want a very pretty wife but I more than been pretty, I do have some values I hold dearly which she most possess. With these, my choice process was very easy. I have met some ladies who seem to be nice but we just never clicked on my values, for these ones I stay clear off but we just remain friends. When I saw what I wanted, I went all out for her.

2. Never be guided by your emotions – relationship is never to be guided by emotions. Don’t just fall in love; learn to stand in love too. If the person is not meeting all your requirements, don’t manage the person, look away immediately. Whatever is it you can’t accept in life, don’t go ahead with the belief that the person will change.

3. Get information – I have read many books about relationships and have listened to countless people talk about it. I could even do my own relationship series for people to buy. I remember when am trying to look for the values that I hold dear that my spouse must have, I saw in Oral Robert’s biography an excerpt he wrote titled “ 10 things he expects from his wife”. I read that place over again, copied it out and place that note in my wallet for a long time. I typed it out and ensured that my spouse has all of them. I have also read books on how to relate with women. Let me list a few here.
• Boy meets Girl – Joshua Harris
• I kissed dating goodbye – Joshua Harris
• Men are from Mars, women are from Venus – John Gray
• Five love languages – Gary Chapman
• Men are like waffles, women are like spaghetti – Bill and Pam Farrel
• Sex straight talk- Sam Adeyemi
• Every woman – • 165 questions – Bimbo Odukoya
• Before you say “I do”- H. Norman Wright and Wes Roberts
• Help me, am falling in love
• The lady, her lover and her Lord – T.D.Jakes
• Understand the power and purpose of man – Myles Munroe
• Understand the power and purpose of woman – Myles Munroe
• And so on and so forth………………

4. Have mentors – I would have made many blunders in life if not for the mentors God has blessed my life with. They are more like landing pads for all my ideas and wishful thinking. I find it very easy to seek their opinion before going ahead to take a step. They have been very truthful to me using their life’s experiences as an example to me. I would never forget a mentor of mine who told me a secret about her that many of us that are close to her would never believe just to stress her point to me. I do thank God for her because what she said gave me the strength to push forward. Don’t just have mentors, believe in them, obey them and maintain a good relationship with them.

5. Have good friends – you also need the input of your friends. Your friends need to accept your spouse. You need to foster a relationship between your friends and your spouse. When you are just getting by, try to do the introductions one at a time. Also get to meet your spouse’s friends too. You would need their support one day.

6. Plan ahead – dream out loud and be able to tell yourself how your married life is going to be. Share this dream with your spouse, it makes the person knows what to expect. Define your career life and that of your spouse. Know clearly what you want. Never be a victim of circumstances.

7. Learn to communicate effectively. Communication is the life wire of any relationship. Be ready to talk about anything. Spend much time together discussing saeverything ranging from what you like and what you don’t like, all your best- food, colour, idea and whatever. Just talk.

There are still many other but the name of the game is always to be on top of every situation. You dont have to compare with anybody, just be yourself and take yourself. You are either knight in shining armour or the angel of his life. Enjoyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Best Regards
Albert Afolabi